


Now it's Just Me and a Mirror

by ionik



Series: Snowbaz Winter 2019 [8]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Baz discovers himself a little more, Canon Compliant, Exploration, Introspection, Lipstick, Makeup, POV First Person, POV Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Watford Fourth Year, gender expression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:40:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21724639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ionik/pseuds/ionik
Summary: Baz' history with lipstick.
Series: Snowbaz Winter 2019 [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1559734
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	Now it's Just Me and a Mirror

**Author's Note:**

> I love gender non-conforming Baz and this is a little peek into him exploring makeup.
> 
> enjoy :)

**Baz**

I’ve worn lipstick before. When I was eight, I snuck into Fiona’s room and coloured my lips black with the first stain I could find. The contrast between my pale skin and my now strikingly dark lips almost scared me. Then, Fiona came home and I panicked and ran right past her as she was entering her room. A day later, I opened my door to head down to breakfast, and I almost tripped over a small present placed on the dark carpet. There was a card, neatly folded and tucked under the lopsided ribbon tied around the package itself.  _ To new experiences _ , it said in uneven handwriting. Fiona’s handwriting. Inside the box was a brand new tube of lipstick, dark as pitch. The same brand as I’d used the day before. I hid the box and the card in my sock drawer, wrapped inside a jumper I’d grown out of and then went down to breakfast.

I didn’t let myself think about the lipstick until I turned 11. I was going to begin attending Watford,  _ finally _ , and packed my bag a week in advance. When looking for the missing sock to a pair, my hand bumped against my old jumper. Without thinking, I threw it in my bag. I didn’t remember until much later, on my way to the school, that it didn’t fit me anymore. And that I never intended to look at what it was hiding again.

I’m in my room, now. Reminiscing, I suppose. It’s been three years since I started attending Watford. Snow is out on a mission. He left just after dinner, in such a rush that he pushed over the box on my nightstand when running past it. The box with the cologne Daphne got me for Christmas, and some other toiletries. I had it out because I was sorting my dresser when Snow came in looking like a hurricane. Smelling like a hurricane. I was worried he’d go off, but he ran out before my worry could become reality. Then my cologne shattered on the floor and I cursed and cast a mending spell. We had about mending spells and undoing spilled liquids last month, so I managed to salvage most of the contents. When cleaning up the contents of the bottle I saw it. The lipstick. I’d put it in the box when I first unpacked, just after the Crucible cast Simon and me together. I haven’t tried it out. I’m too afraid of… what, I don’t know.

Snow will be out for a while yet. Maybe I should… Maybe I should face this fear.

I take the tube from the floor. My hands are trembling. I don’t know why exactly, but I think it’s from a combination of anxiousness and excitement.

Five minutes later, I’ve gathered up the strength to remove the plastic wrapping and twist the lower part so the lipstick is ready for application. I am still trembling, though now it’s moved from my hands to my entire body. I’m steadily shaking as I bring the stain to my mouth. I take a deep breath, and on the exhale I close my eyes. Then I open them, because I should probably be able to see what I’m doing.

When I finish applying the wax, I take another deep breath and keep my eyes closed for a while. I’ll have to remove the colour before Snow comes back. I don’t want him to intrude on this, to make me connect this to him. I open my eyes and look at my now black lips. They match my hair, now. My lips spread out in an inky smile when I take in the look. Maybe washing my face can wait for now.

**Author's Note:**

> stay tuned for more non-cis baz
> 
> Title from Welcome To The End Of Your Life by The Driver Era


End file.
